Josh: And with that, we're out of here. And apparently, the auditions continue next week from Atlanta. We'll be back ... possibly before then.

Kim: It wasn't even funny. I don't understand how the people producing this show don't realize that it's the people who actually believe that they're good singers that make this show. The morons who go in knowing that they're not going to make it aren't interesting.

Josh: See, this is the sort of idiotic nonsense that kills the auditions for me. What is the point?

Kim: Brandon. That's what this is.

Josh: What the hell is this?

Kim: Julie was better at 12.

Josh: No way this girl was asked to sing at a Red Sox game. The Sox only surround themselves with winners.

Kim: Who let's their 16-year-old stick a ring in their lip?

Josh: Yes, yes she is. And by "special" I think you mean that in a "special" way.

Kim: Oh, this girl is gonna be special.

Josh: Hey, it's The Chipmunks sing Rascal Flats.

Kim: I couldn't tell if the girl with the finger in her ear was singing in English. That's how bad it was.

Josh: I'm just really tired of the auditions. I mean, really, really tired. It's the same shtick over and over again. They promo some unbelievable moron who they'll trot out at the end, mix in some other hacks, a couple of decent singers and a couple of back stories and you've got an audition show. Now, repeat eight times.

Kim: I don't know about that, but she was good.

Josh: Syesha is my favorite so far on this show. That's not saying much, but there it is.

Josh: That is possibly the best rule so far. Good job, dear.

Kim: Oh, I just came up with a new rule. What is this, Rule No. 4? OK, Rule No. 4 for American Idol: If the contestant sticks one finger in their ear while singing, you can bet they're gonna suck.

Josh: Yeah, I hate her too.

Kim: We're disagreeing a lot this evening. I like this small girl here, too. Lemme guess.

Josh: Eh. She was aight. Wait a minute. I just heard something unbelievable. Jasmine Trias' album went platinum? Seriously?

Kim: Suzanne was good.

Josh: No. They're still in auditions. Still in auditions. A month of this nonsense.

Kim: Is it time yet to wonder who's going to be this year's Sanjaya?

Josh: I'll tell you what's funny -- the Paulie Walnuts Denny's commercial. "Well, that's not a real breakfast."

Kim: These two girls are gonna be funny on the show.

Josh: I believe we can agree on that. I think we can also agree that Randy has on possibly the ugliest pair of shoes ever made.

Kim: Well, I think we can both agree that the Spanish guy stinks.

Josh: You're wrong.

Kim: I could see them cleaning that guy up and making something out of him. I'm gonna disagree. He'll be around for a while.

Josh: Don't really care that much for the boy-bander-turned-rock-guy. Thought the rock dude from last night was much better.

Kim: "I think I'm done with American Idol." You think so, huh? What gave you that idea?

Josh: Ummm. Might've missed that one.

Kim: Yeah, not so much.

Josh: Back story right off the bat. Welcome to Hollywood, Shannon.

Aight, we're up and running. Auditions are in Miami this evening. Good Lord, I hope this is one of the final audition shows.

Josh: OK, that's all for this evening. We'd like to thank our guest. He absolutely sucked at this, but he gave it a shot. And that's respectable. Anyway, Kim and I shall return tomorrow. Hopefully, a little earlier than tonight.

Kim: I know what you mean. Who wants to see these people dressed up in ridiculous outfits?

Josh: I'll ask the same thing I've asked before: Why don't we get to see more of the good singers? We saw like six people get tickets, yet 19 went through. I don't get it. Do people actually want to see that nonsense still?

Adam: I think Paula's been drinking.

Josh: Leo is pretty good. Didn't really think he would be.

Kim: Don't forget the hair. The hair's just as crazy.

Josh: Johnny has to be clinically insane. I mean, the jacket, the weird movements, the singing. It's all crazy.

Kim: David will be there when the voting starts.

Josh: I like the rock guys. If they're talented enough, they usually have a much bigger up side.

Adam: Ol' dad there didn't sound so excited.

Josh: Well, she can't. But they let her through. And after the whole pep talk from Simon, I'm betting she's around when voting starts.

Kim: I sure hope Angelica can sing after that whole back story.

Josh: A lot of these people they let through are just blah. They rave and rave about them, but they're just plain. And they never win. It's always the slightly unique singers who go far in this. Like that Sanjaya goofball.

Kim: She was very, very good. I don't know why she's there.

Adam: She sounds just like Nora Jones.

Josh: I would buy a Samantha Sivley record right now. Seriously.

Adam: Who in the hell would waste their time like that and just stand around for days at a time when they know they're not gonna make it through? Makes no sense.

Josh: Sarah, the wrestling chick, is my favorite. You could not possibly find a weirder girl in Omaha.

Kim: That guy with the guitar who's screaming was just short of popping a blood vessel.

Josh: He's arm wrestling a girl -- and not winning. He's just breaking even.

Kim: Ryan's a little stronger than I thought.

Josh: Who in their right mind would sing "I Love Rock and Roll" for their audition?

Adam: Can't believe that dude made it. I think it's rigged.

Kim: That's got to be embarrassing. Or frustrating.

Josh: Jason's got no shot. All the stumbling and nonsense.

Adam: Well, there goes the final show, if he's gonna be on it.

Kim: You just know this guy's gonna wind up on TV.

Josh: Off with a bang here with Chris from Omaha. Unbelievable. Dude's singing during his handstand.

Josh: Aight, we're in Omaha this evening. Or, well, the "Idol" show was filmed in Omaha. We're all at the house in Deatsville. And away we go.

OK, we're up and running here. Sorry we're late, but we've had some technical difficulties here with the Moon household wireless connection. The fine folks at Bellsouth have assured us that we're up and fine here now. So, this is what we're gonna do. We've got ourselves a DVR and we're gonna use it. We're starting at the beginning and we'll catch up.

And to make this even more odd, we've got ourselves a special guest this evening. My brother, Adam, will be joining in on the conversation. Should be very special. And away we go.

Josh: Anyway, that's all from South Carolina, thank God. Not a good show. We've got to get past these auditions. There's just nothing left to say about the endless line of hacks. Aight, we're out.

Josh: I can't believe that girl had that baby one day and was standing back in line with that dude the next day.

Kim: And no one in their family tells them. Or tackles them on the way in.

Josh: You know, it's unbelievable that so many people who are horrible singers show up to these auditions absolutely convinced they can sing.

Kim: I can't believe it took Fox this long to come up with "The Moment of Truth."

Kim: He says he's had no voice training. Noooooooooooo. I can't believe that.

Josh: If I went into an audition and tried to be as bad as possible, I'd be something like this Joshua guy here.

Kim: It's good to have confidence, I think.

Josh: You know, this girl Aretha didn't seem that bad to me. Maybe I've just heard too many bad National Anthem performances.

Kim: Can't believe that. Must not have had to send the camera crew very far.

Josh: I wanted to like Lyndsey, but it wasn't great. Just mediocre.

Kim: Here's a good back story. You know how this ends.

Josh: I can't wait for "The Moment of Truth" that's coming on next. It should be loads of fun.

Kim: It's so they can fit in 20 goofballs.

Josh: This is what I don't get about the audition shows. Fifteen people made it through and we got to see, what, four? Why?

Kim: Don't forget Big and Little.

Josh: I sort of like the name London, but it's out for me and Kim. That's the way it is when you've got the last name Moon. I mean, London Moon? Same for seasons, months, days and, uh, full, half and quarter.

Josh: I think Simon's right -- a lot of people will eventually find her annoying.

Kim: Amy's funny. I like her.

Josh: I know we're being quiet here, but honestly, when they run through one of those everybody-singing-this-song-absolutely-stinks montages, what do we need to say?

Kim: There's no way I would've called that.

Josh: I would've bet you $1,000 that these two here would be absolutely unbearable. Not too bad, though.

Kim: What's funny is she's so unbelievably attached to him. Calling him "Master Yoda."

Josh: You know, "American Idol chatroom couple" can be said a lot quicker if you just use "two nerds" instead.

Kim: Oh my goodness. An American Idol chatroom couple.

Josh: By the way, the "Black Clay Aiken" was awesome. Not as a singer. As a persona. I mean, the "Black Clay Aiken?"

Josh: Hell, she scared me.

Kim: This girl, DeAnna, scares me a little.

Josh: Lord have mercy, I'm glad this show is in SC and not Alabama.

Kim: Does everyone from Pickler-town talk the same way?

Josh: Aight, folks, we're up and ready to go here. Episode No. 4 from South Carolina.

Josh: Yes, that is all. Only an hour this evening, as most of the remaining shows will be. Anyway, that's all for us. Hopefully, these audition shows will be over soon.

Kim: That's it?

Josh: How long did it take you to get over not making it on Idol? Really? As though it's like losing a limb or something.

Josh: Who does that to their face? Anyway, his girlfriend is pretty good. I don't think she's as great as these people do, but she's pretty good.

Kim: Nice tattoos on his FACE.

Josh: David isn't bad. Not great. But I guess it's aight for a guy with vocal paralysis.

Kim: I know what you mean. Is it too much to ask to get one decent singer on TV?

Josh: Alberto was a big waste of time. I'm growing tired of the auditions. It's the same nonsense over and over.

Kim: Men should not have long fingernails. There is no woman in the world who wants a man with long fingernails. And I'm pretty sure there are no men who want a man with long fingernails.

Josh: I think we should've been treated to more of Sarah Long. That was the worst thing I've ever heard.

Kim: Who didn't see that coming? The guy's been turned down 10 times.

Josh: Leslie here is a good representative of all that's wrong with America.

Josh: Samantha, despite all the nonsense, isn't too bad.

Kim: You knew they were going to have to get security to escort him out. When he kept singing to start with, the security guys probably stood up and got their sticks ready.

Josh: "I'm going to sing the song in a lower key." Brilliant.

Kim: Who would just keep on singing like that?

Josh: When you change songs in the middle of songs, not good.

Kim: This isn't going to go well for Monique. Guaranteed.

Josh: Just caught a new ad for some sort of pharmaceutical product. At the end they list all the possible side effects. The list takes up a large portion of the commercial. "The onset of Type 2 diabetes, headaches, blood loss, possible death." Who's approving this stuff at the FDA?

Kim: Boy, I bet she's gonna wish she didn't do that interview.

Josh: Wow.

Kim: Oh, you know this girl's gonna be terrible.

Josh: Yeah, Michael ain't bad. If I had to guess, I'd bet he'll be hanging around for a while. (Oh, by the way, just checked the blog stats and I'd like to welcome our good friends from Vancouver, London and Berlin. Seriously. Why they're here, I don't know. But they are.)

Kim: Yeah, pitchy. The exact opposite of what this guy is.

Josh: "Pitchy?" Seriously?

Kim: That first girl wasn't mediocre. She was good. This guy's a little pitchy, I thought.

Josh: Aight, we're off and running here. We've got one mediocre singer with a gold pass to Hollywood and we're in the middle of a nice back story on No. 2.

What's up, good people? We're about to get things going from San Diego (we're not in San Diego, we're on the couch. Just to be clear). As always, if you wanna talk, we've got the comments section on the site and my email, jmoon@gannett.com.

First things first, big thanks to Terry Manning for hammering out a logo for the blog. Terry handles some of our Internet "stuff" at the Advertiser and was nice enough to take some time to knock this out. I suspect he's also a big "Idol" fan, but that's unconfirmed right now.

Second, when I said in my last blog post that I'd be updating each day with news, I meant to say each week. No, I'm joking. I just got sorta swamped towards the end of last week and I never got back in here. But that's OK, because there wasn't much news out there. That's just the way it is right now with the show. During the auditions, there's not much happening, since no one knows the contestants. Once they get a group of contenders, things will start to heat up. What with all the background checks and whatnot.

Third, the only thing I got for you are last week's ratings. As I told you on Wednesday, Tuesday's premiere show, while down from last year's premiere, still crushed everything else. Same for Wednesday. Check this out: Wednesday's first hour pulled a 12.6 rating among adults 18-49. The next closest competitor was NBC, which knocked out a 3.0. FOUR TIMES THE VIEWERS. That's just sick.

Fourth, our boy Renaldo Lapuz, the silver-caped dude (right) who wrote the tribute song to Simon, has himself a hit with his "Brothers Forever" song. Oh, you think I'm joking? Check this out: Brothers Forever (The Remix)

Finally, this little bit here will have to hold you until later today, when Kim and I pop back on for more LIVE BLOGGING. The auditions move to San Diego for tonight's show and only last an hour. See you good people at 7 p.m.

Josh: Aight, we're out. I'll add in some news when I can each day. And we'll be back for another live blog next Tuesday in San Diego.

Kim: I don't think there's a lot for Simon to be down about. The guy's loaded.

Josh: There's no way Paula knows sign language. She barely knows language.

Josh: You're right. They've wasted like 10 minutes with this guy and it'll only encourage more freaks next season.

Kim: This is such a waste of time.

Josh: Where do you get an outfit like that? Pimpin' N Things?

Kim: How can we not believe our eyes when you're showing it to us?

Josh: Nice that they're doing a Kelly Clarkson tribute. Especially since the Idol label screwed her over.

Kim: What's funny is to hear the people come out of there and relay to their family and friends what they were told by the judges. It's never close to what the judges actually told them. People hear what they want to hear, I guess.

Josh: What sort of a dude gets up in the morning and puts on eyeliner? I don't even want to shower some mornings. I shaved my head so I wouldn't have to comb my hair. Putting on eyeliner just seems like an unnecessary hassle.

Kim: I think this guy's really good, and I don't like country.

Josh: This guy is a dead-on ringer for Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Josh: Whole different meaning to the word "versatile" there. You know, the black dude dressed like a girl sort of looks like Smash Williams from "Friday Night Lights."

Kim: Is that a man? Is that a woman? What is wrong with people?

Josh: I think he's only good singing that song. That's just my thoughts.

Kim: This guy is really good.

Kim: Who let Tammy do this? I mean, really.

Josh: You know, the guy wasn't awful. Really surprising. Bad song, but the dude wasn't bad.

Kim: Kyle, I'm just guessing, doesn't have a shot in the world at this.

Josh: I'm thinking there isn't one working brain cell in that household.

Kim: He'll have two guys escorting him a lot of places.

Josh: This is nuts.

Josh: I'm thinking his father hated him for entirely different reasons.

Kim: Ladies and gentlemen, Dwight Schrute. From The Office.

Josh: It wasn't a good Britney impersonation. She wasn't drunk, dressed inappropriately or dropping a kid. Nothing like Britney.

Kim: I want to hear all of this girl's impressions. That Britney one was really good.

Josh: I can't wait for that "Truth" show. I'm betting someone told that first guy there that he's a dead-on Reuben.

Kim: The guy who has never kissed a girl was twice as good as that girl. That girl's nice and all, but she can't sing.

Josh: Yes sir. And Rule No. 1 lives on.

Kim: What?

Josh: Dang it. Who could've seen that coming?

Kim: Yeah, I'm betting not. This one's gonna wreck Rule No. 1.

Josh: BACK STORY. Welcome to Hollywood.

Josh: You know, we're a show and a half into this season and there hasn't been one decent guy singer.

Kim: I'll bet good money he doesn't have a girlfriend.

Josh: Maaaaaannnn. That's the nastiest thing I've seen this week. Who would keep their fingernails?

Kim: Is that tattoo on the side of her head?

Josh: Let me tell you something. If this dude rolls into Hollywood, gonna be a lot of broken promises.

Kim: That was rather annoying.

Josh: For the life of me, I can't fathom how Hardee's sells any food item with these commercials. I wouldn't go there just because of the commercials. Well, that and the fact that the food stinks.

Josh: That girl was pretty good. And she's been compared to Carrie Underwood. She wasn't close to Underwood, in style or look, but she wasn't bad.

Kim: Here's another good rule: If they walk in talking about how people have compared them to (insert idol winner), they're gonna bomb nine times out of 10.

Josh: I wonder how people compare this girl to Kelly Clarkson? Her good friend there could do damage if ever there's a Playboy Idol.

Kim: Sorry, a little break there. Josh is trying to work out some technical issues. But we're good to go now.

Josh: It's people like Paul here that make me wonder about people. Who would allow this guy to go in there and sing? His family are idiots.

Kim: What's up with Randy's facial hair? Simon and Paula always look the same and Randy's always different. Facial hair this year. Weight changes Oprah would be proud of the last two years.

Josh: This girl here -- and the thousands like her -- are the reason I can't buy sinus medicine without a urine sample. Meth heads.

Kim: Oh, a back story with home shots. She's going through to Hollywood.

Josh: Off with a bang here. Some girl went into labor in the Idol line. Labor. She went there nine-months preggers. Priorities, people. Priorities.

Aight, folks, we're up and ready to go again here. 7 p.m. Time for the start of Idol and some great commentary here. As always, you got a comment, you can post to the blog directly or e-mail at jmoon@gannett.com

What's up, folks? Got a few bits of Idol news to pass around.

(Over to the right, you'll notice "The Panther" from last season. He's a favorite here in the Moon household. Oh, I hope he's back.)



Premiere Numbers: They were a bit off from last year, but not by much. And the totals were still enough to crush all competition. According to Fast National, 33.2 million checked out last night's opener for a 17.8 rating. The next closest competitor was CBS, which managed a paltry 8.7.

In TV world, that's known as killin'.


Bad Auditions: The good people over at the Idol website have been good enough, as always, to provide clips from last night's bad auditions. You can check that out here: Bad Auditions.


Tonight's Show: The second night of Idol kicks off this evening, as we get the clips from Dallas. We're a little more than two hours away from the start. Kim and I will be back again for more superb commentary. Until then, enjoy this: Paula Bombing.

Josh: So, that's it for the first show and the first blog. We had fun here. And we'll be back tomorrow for more. Show starts at 7. If something worthwhile goes down before that, we'll post it up here. But regardless, we'll be here at 7.

Josh: Ended well for Philly. Not so well for the dork.

Kim: I'm not buying the no R-rated movies thing.

Josh: Who talks that way in front of their grandparents? If you can use the F word in front of your grandparents, there's something wrong with you.

Kim: "I'm a goofball," she says. Noooooooo.

Josh: I bet she'll want to sing something else.

Kim: What's scary is that people on here have kids.

Josh: Right now, there are Star Wars nerds panting.

Kim: At 24, isn't the Princess Leah look a little immature?

Josh: Over on "The Biggest Loser," our boys Roger Shultz and Trent Patterson are getting it done again.

Kim: Like I said, you can tell who's going through when they walk through the door.

Josh: Let me repeat what Simon said. "All because that fat lump wants to be on TV."

Kim: I have nothing to say. Other than, I don't need anymore rear shots.

Josh: I don't understand what this does for you. Why go and wax your chest hair? For 20 seconds on TV?

Josh: Holy good Lord.

Kim: I find it a little funny that a girl named Stalker is following the last guy.

Josh: This guy's song is WONDERFUL. It's the best I've ever heard. "I would Peter Falk her." Classic.

Josh: I guarantee you that this guy has a restraining order bearing his name.

Kim: All the bad language. Who uses that language in public?

Josh: Honestly, I could've gone the rest of my life without seeing that. What's the point of putting on a genie costume to come to this audition? Hey, look, it's Whitney when high.

Kim: I don't want to know what's under there.

Josh: I'd really like to watch that "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" with Miss America. Although, I bet I can answer that question without seeing the show.

Josh: Kristy will be a voting candidate. Mark it down.

Kim: This girl is my favorite. Haven't heard her sing. But she's it.

Josh: Back to my first rule. This girl will be in Hollywood.

Kim: What in the ...

Josh: I'm thinking Milo's songs won't be big sellers.

Josh: Oh, this should be good.

Kim: These people shouting -- have you never watched the show?

Josh: That show looks like a mess. When Fox is calling a show the most controversial ever, it's like Pam Anderson calling someone slutty.

Kim: I'd like to hook Josh up to the lie detector on "The Moment of Truth." That show looks like great fun.

Josh: If I see anyone I know on these Burger King commercials complaining about the Whopper being taken off the menu, I will rag that person until the day they die. I encourage all of you to do the same.

Kim: I wonder if that panther guy from last year -- the guy who crawled around on the floor -- will be back this season? I hope so.

Kim: I think at this point, you can just about look at these people and tell who's going through and who isn't.

Josh: Yep, Angela's a lock. I'd be shocked if she wasn't around when the voting started.

Kim: This girl's going to Hollywood. Write it down.

Josh: What cracks me up about these people celebrating going to Hollywood is that 70 percent of these people will be cut without another word said to them.

Kim: The commercials are killing me. We haven't watched commercials in two years, thanks to the DVR.

Josh: Hey, I wonder if she writes George W. Bush's speeches for him?

Kim: It's like Vaudeville, her and her mother there.

Josh: Oh, that's golden. Willem DaFoe. Perfect.

Josh: Honestly, not as bad as I thought. And I think "possessed" is a good way to describe it.

Kim: What shade of lipstick is that?

Josh: Something tells me that Alexis is gonna shatter my first rule about the back stories. Maybe she'll "knock the judges on their feet."

Kim: I bet Allentown is proud.

Josh: Another thing, how do you forget the lyrics? You can sing anything. Sing something YOU KNOW. You're on NATIONAL TV.

Kim: And they always want to sing one more. "Can I do another for you?"

Josh: I just don't understand how people like Udi make it to this point. Why embarrass yourself like that? It's not even funny anymore.

Kim: I want to book Udi for our next office party.

Kim: I will give someone a thousand dollars if this guy makes it to Hollywood.

Josh: Another Idol tip. "Unique" means you're not going through.

Josh: Yeah, that's why I watch this show -- the touching moments. You know, the moments in which someone who should've been told a long time ago that they can't sing are told by three strangers on national TV that they can't sing.

Kim: That was really nice there.

Kim: Simon's being awfully nice to this girl.

Josh: I think the key words in that song were No. No. No. No way.

Josh: Who names their daughter Temptress? That's as far as I'm going with this.

Kim: Don't you have to sing in English?

Josh: That was a nice little audition for Junot there.

Josh: How does Hardees sell anything with those commercials? I haven't seen one yet that didn't make me sick.

Josh: Boy, I hope so. If there's one thing this show needs, it's a bad, white rapper.

Kim: I wonder if Blake will make any appearances this year?

Josh: Look here, the laughing is warranted. People believe that this is the first audition these people have been through. It's not. There are like six rounds of auditions for this show. James knew he couldn't sing long before tonight. He wanted to be on TV.

Kim: The laughing is mean. The poor guy thinks he can sing. Don't do that.

Josh: Oh my. James Lewis just knocked one outta the park. Poor Moses.

Josh: Clarified the quote. I find it hilarious when Simon forces everyone to say yes or no to these people who obviously aren't going through.

Kim: You probably need to put quotation marks around that nipple quote. Some people might not be watching.

Josh: Oh, niiiiiicccceeee. "I wanna love a girl from the hair to the nipple." SWEET.

Kim: Not gonna go well. This guy's got no shot. No one singing the BeeGees is going through.

Josh: I love Simon. Whether you admit it or not, the guy says everything we're all thinking.

Kim: "You can blow." Have to love that. I'm betting the auditions don't all go so well.

Josh: Count on one thing: If there's a great back story, they're getting a golden ticket. Fox isn't sending a crew to somebody's house for nothing.

Kim: Here's the first sappy story. Right off the bat. Guess who's going to Hollywood?

Josh: Kim will get in here at some point, I swear. Anyway, we're at the first stop in Philly. Look at the number of people at the audition. Hannah Montana got nothing on Idol.

Josh: Aight, we're running through the opening here. Already seen a girl from Alabama. Better hope she's not around when the voting starts. She'll be in the finale.

What's up, folks? Got the opening night of "American Idol" going down here in about two minutes. Me and Kim are ready to go. Hope you are too. If you've got comments or questions, you can post directly to the blog or you can email me at jmoon@gannett.com.

If you're looking for the Montgomery Advertiser's "American Idol" blog, you're in the right spot. Beginning Tuesday, Jan. 15, this will be the spot for all of your AI needs. We'll do live show blogs, show updates and a bunch of other stuff that we'll figure out later.

It'll be the awesomest.